Ouch.

Why am I doing this? This is so painful. But it feels so good at the same time. Well, not at the same time. Right now it feels good. Twenty minutes ago all I could think about was the sharp pain in my side, the dull ache in my shoulder, the fact that my fingers were so swollen they were about to burst, and the mean teenage boys that were laughing at me. I guess that part wasn't so painful. I don't blame them, actually. There is something hilarious about a girl galloping down the road, boobs a bouncing, sweat a pouring, breathing so hard she's squirting snot across her own face. But there's also something so encouraging and inspiring about it. Just like when someone runs a race with a prosthetic leg. Or when an old man gets visibly exciting by his nursing home aide. I can't be the only one that finds those things both touching and laughable. On top of making myself into fodder for other people's jokes, I think I've given myself shin splints. Or I've caught shin splints. I'm not entirely sure if it's a passive ailment or something someone does to their body - the research is vague. I'm not even entirely sure I have shin splints. All I know is that my tibia feels really close to the surface of my skin. And my skin feels like dried mud or paste, like it is cracking and crumbling every time I flex my calf or point my toes. My fancy Brooks running shoes finally came in, so hopefully they will make things a little better. I don't know if it's worth all this just to prove a fat chick can run. Haven't I defied enough fat girl stereotypes? Sometimes I order the veggie of the day instead of fries because it genuinely sounds like it will taste better. And I work out semi-regularly. And I actually like clothes shopping. I even date the occasional white guy. What I'm really worried about is that all of this turmoil will have been for nothing. I still can't run continuously for more than 2 minutes. For all the mind games I've successfully played with myself, I can't seem to convince myself that I don't need to stop and walk. Any suggestions for things I can tell myself while running? So far the most effective has been "You're not done until you've thrown up or passed out."